


Never Let Me Go

by astrawberryoctopus



Category: Ookiku Furikabutte | Big Windup!
Genre: Angst, Established Relationship, Fluff, M/M, ends with angst, starts with fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-28
Updated: 2015-09-28
Packaged: 2018-04-23 15:03:20
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,276
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4881340
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/astrawberryoctopus/pseuds/astrawberryoctopus
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>‘What if we had never made up,’ Tajima wondered. Maybe he was right. Maybe being in a relationship and aiming to getting into the first lineup was too much. What if they broke it up. With the distance, it would be easier.”</p>
            </blockquote>





	Never Let Me Go

**Author's Note:**

> Another crosspost from tumblr. This one was originally for the tajihana ship week, but back then I ran out of time and posted what I had. So I decided to fix it up a little and ended up with almost double the word count and sad. 
> 
> To double the sad, listen to the song Never Let Me Go- Florence and the machine.

Standing under the pitch darkness of the midnight sky stood Hanai silently glancing at the field that wasn’t visible at this time but he could see through memory nonetheless.The field where he practiced for hours on end, the field that started out of nothing but coach Momoe constructed into something, the field where he met the best kind of people- the best mentors he could ever ask for, his teammates, friends and _family_. The kind of people that would stay with him through his lifespan. And also, his soulmate. 

He squeezed the phone he was holding a little at that thought. It was because of him that he was here in the first place after all.

In the middle of his freak out while packing for his flight later that night, Tajima had called him. Leaving voicemails and messages and insisting until Hanai finally picked up to make him stop.

“Tajima, I’m busy!” He all but yelled through the phone as soon as he picked up.

Nothing was ready and he was getting overwhelmed. He couldn’t for the life of him find things he wanted to pack, his baggage was spread on the floor still empty, his bed (his entire room for that matter) was buried with clothes and various objects he still needed to decide if he was taking or not. His mom, although trying to be helpful and meant well, was confusing him even more on what to take and what to leave behind. Asuka and Haruka, who were sniffing and trying not to cry were both by the bed, holding Hanai’s stuff and reminiscing with each other or their mom about the past.

Tajima had simply laughed his worry and anger away. Not 5 minutes later, he had somehow made Hanai promise to meet him at Nishiura’s field at exactly 3 AM. It took some fighting and groaning but Hanai promised nonetheless if only so he could leave him alone to pack. He was going to the airport with him anyways, everyone was, so Hanai couldn’t quite understand why he was so set on meeting then.

So now there he stood by the pitcher mound, waiting for Tajma in the middle of the night in the pitch black sky at a little past 3AM. He didn’t bothered to turn on the lights to the field in favor of keeping the peace and quiet of the night as he felt nostalgia fill him in and he started reminiscing about their last year in this school.

No one was truly surprised when Tajima decided to dive into the professional world. It was almost a given. To Hanai’s surprise, only Momoe had questioned his choice when he announced it to the club in one of their meetings. She looked mildly surprised and concerned so he asked him to stay back at the end of practice that day for a private talk.

“You could go into the professional world too,” Momoe had said with an encouraging smile. “If you want to, it _is_ an option for you. It is your choice and I’ll support you regardless but I don't want you to not try because you're afraid to fail.” She said truthfully.

Hanai simply shook his head and politely explained that was not the route he wanted to take. She listened carefully and at the end, said she understood and that he would be a great professor one of this days. At the mention of him possibly coaching too, Momoe brighten and said that she looked forward to meeting his team at Koshien one of this days.

The days seemed to rushed by after that. The end of the school year was getting closer and everyone was getting ready to go into the next step. It was then that Tajima and Hanai realized that they couldn’t wait any longer. The time to talk about their future arrived despite them trying hard to avoid it. It took a while. Several coats of jokes and teasing and meaningless talks later, they eventually reached the core of their fear one afternoon while on Tajima’s bedroom.

What if they couldn’t survive the long distance. It hadn’t been easy so far. Three years of ups and downs and two almost breakups and one serious breakup hadn’t been easy.

“But we survived!” Tajima had insisted impatiently. “We survived and now we’re stronger than before.”

Hanai heard his name being called then, snapping him away from his train of thoughts. Sometime during that time, Tajima had turned on the lights to the field and it was starting to become visible. He looked toward the entry where he saw Tajima waving and running toward where he was. “Hey! You made it!”

Hanai couldn’t help but laughed, of course he had, Tajima essentially dragged him here. The soft smile widen when he saw Tajima grinning up at him. “So, what was so important?”

“It’s our last night together.”

Neither said anything else, there was no need for any other words. They would had met later tonight, everyone include Momoe and Chiyo were going to see him off as he was the first to leave from the group. But this was their last time together, alone. Tajima reached for Hanai’s hand and held it in his, squeezing it tight. Before thinking about it, Hanai pulled him into a tight hug.

Tajima automatically buried his face into his chest, holding him as close as he could. Taking in the smell he had, the warm, the way his arms wrapped around him, _everything_ , one last time. He was already regretting having to let go and watch him leave.

“I’m _really_ gonna miss you.” It was barely a whisper but Tajima heard all the same. He smiled into the hug, keeping the tears under control, to then let go of the hug and start pulling him toward the batter box.

“Remember when you were totally jealous of my awesome baseball skills?” Tajima grinned, pretending to have a bat and swinging at an imaginary ball. He repeated the process a couple times before turning to look back at Hanai.

Hanai huffed, rolling his eyes in mock annoyance as he crossed his arms. “Aren't we arrogant.”

“You were pretty amazing too.” He didn’t have to look to know that Hanai was slowly turning pink, his arms now loose beside him as he tried to process the compliment. He was never good with compliments, Tajima thought with a smile. "You _are_ an amazing baseball player, Hanai. I was surprised when you decided to go to university instead. ”

“Tajima…

"No, I understand. It’s the perfect choice for you,” it was then when he turned to look at Hanai. There was sadness in his eyes despite the grin and thumbs up he was giving him. The grin dissolved into a frown quickly as Tajima sighed, letting his arms fall down. He then turned away from the other just slightly, avoiding direct eye contact as he smile sadly at the ground. “I know it’s going to be hard. Being so far away from each other. I know. But…”

Hanai instinctively took the step to get closer to Tajima and pulled him close into a hug and then into a quick kiss. “I won’t give up on us. We will find a way to work this out, we can make it through this.”

And in that moment, Tajima truly believed him as he pulled the other down for another kiss. Both were grinning, wiping the tears of either happiness or sadness they weren’t exactly sure but it was a promise nonetheless. They were going to make it work.

_Beep. Beep. Beep._

The beeping sound of his alarm clock pulled him violently out if his dreams in an instant. It was only then when he realized that it had only been a dream. A distant memory from what felt like forever ago.

Tajima sighed heavily, trying to calm himself as he reached for his phone to turn off the annoying sound. Laying back in his bed he sighed again, holding an arm over his eyes and mentally preparing himself to get up.

He closed his eyes briefly in an attempt to calm his racing heart beat and shake off the utter sadness that had washed over him. The second alarm went off and Tajima knew that he couldn’t linger in bed any longer. He took a long breath, trying to talk himself to move, to at least sit up in bed or do _something_ but stay right there even when he just wanted to go back to sleep.

Another deep breath later, he finally opened his eyes with what felt too much effort and reached for his phone again. Turning off the continuous beeping, he navigated through it until he got to his messages. Clicking  Hanai’s name, he noticed  the reply from their conversation last night. 

They had been talking about their first year back in Nishiura and he wondered if that was why he had had such a dream in the first place. He had fallen asleep and Hanai was making fun of him for it.

“ _I miss you._ ” He wrote, ignoring the previous texts all together.

It was pointless whether it was their talk or the nostalgia that had hit him recently or perhaps it was how _lonely_ he was feeling ever since he heard how almost their entire team had met not too long ago and he couldn’t make it. Hanai had updated him about it, telling him how everyone was doing so well. Improving, stepping up and slowly getting toward their final goal.

_‘While I’m nowhere near where I want to be.’_

Tajima broke that train of thought. It was unnecessary to finish it. He knew his path wasn’t easy, he knew, so he was ready and hopefully. Always aiming to be the best and doing the best he probably could.

But maybe this was it. Maybe this was the extent of his abilities. Another wave of sadness crashed on him and he closed his eyes to let it pass. Another sigh later, he finally stood up from bed to get ready for his morning run. He threw his phone to the bed with perhaps more force than necessary as he searched for his clothes.

He quickly pulled some workout clothes and went to the door to find his shoes missing. A muttered curse later he walked toward his closet to find that they weren’t there either. Tajima felt the sadness quickly turn into frustration and anger. Grumbling, he went through his entire closet, trying hard not to let the anger consume him.

Maybe if I hadn’t stayed up late talking to Hanai I would know where my fucking shoes are, he thought bitterly. Maybe if he wasn’t so into this relationship he would be in a better place, he continued on that thought. He would be higher, much higher. In the first string? Possibly. He would be more focused on his training and practice. He would be better, Maybe it would had been for the best if they had never made up.

Tajima stopped throwing his shoes as soon as that thought hit him. He sighed and closed his eyes, breathing deep and letting it go slowly and repeating the process again and again.

Back in high school, they had have their fights and their almost breakups and it had never been easy, but Tajima pulled them through. It was near the end of their second semester on their second year, when they had been so close to reaching Koshien but fell one step away, that Hanai had declared that he couldn’t carry their team to Koshien when he was preoccupied with someone.

Tajima was hurt but he understood. High school baseball was on a whole new level and if they wanted to reach Koshien (and they did, they _really_ did) they needed to give their all. It was amicable and both agreed that it was for the best. Yet, after months of just been friend and teammates and being generally _miserable_ , Hanai asked for another chance and Tajima was so happy, happier than he had ever been.

 _‘What if we had never made up,’_ Tajima wondered. Maybe he was right. Maybe being in a relationship and aiming to getting into the first lineup was too much. What if they broke it up. With the distance, it would be easier.

He didn’t dare to go deeper into that hole. Perhaps he wouldn’t be able to get out once he was inside and he was afraid to let his thoughts wander farther than that. He loved Hanai so much it hurt, the thought of not being with him was unbearable. Yet he couldn’t help but toy with the idea and toss hypotheticals around.

Deciding to take some other shoes in an effort to get out of his room as quickly as possible, he finally opened his eyes and stood up. Putting on old sneakers that will probably give him blisters, he snatched his phone from the bed and left the room. He only hope he could run this nasty thoughts and frustration and anger and anxiety and sadness away.

Locking the door behind him, he took a deep breath and plugged his earphones inside his ears, letting pumped up and loud music blast through his ears. Long distance relationships were so much harder than he thought they would be and much more draining. He wasn’t sure if it was worth it anymore. He stopped his train of thought there again, opting to increase the volume of his music in hopes of draining those thoughts and started toward the field to start his run.


End file.
